i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
