Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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