first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
