where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
