You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
