so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
