You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
