Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
