Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
