oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
