they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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