After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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