Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
