I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
