so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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