So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
