i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
People in love make me want to vomit
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
