I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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