His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
