I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
