I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was CRYING into my vagina
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
