its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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