you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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