Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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