Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
