I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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