Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
