I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
