Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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