Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
