chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
