He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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