nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize