Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
