I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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