Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
