vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
