sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
