I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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