Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
