Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
