weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
