he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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