Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is wine microwaveable?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
