She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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