Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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