I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
