I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
