I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
