kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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