his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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