my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
