If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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