Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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