i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
