she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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