I wish I only lived at night.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
