Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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