I will die if light touches me.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
