So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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