Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
