One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
