1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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