I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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