I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
