oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
