im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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