I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
