I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
