Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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