CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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