4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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