I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
