Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Gay?
German.
Pity.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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