He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
