your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
