On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
