If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
