You smell like a Billy Joel song
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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