I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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